Monday, 31 October 2011

It's Only a Game

(frame grab from a recent Restrained Elegance shoot with the super-fab Pandora Blake)

WARNING - This post goes on forever. Sorry!

Hello to all who read my blog. Actually READ it. So far in my career as a fetish model and blogger, I’ve had a pretty easy ride really. I’m not generally interested in scene politics and I never feel well-informed enough to comment on wider political issues impacting the BDSM world. I enjoy my kink-related work and my D/s lifestyle, but it’s a frivolous, fun part of my life so my blog is a place where I generally keep the tone fairly light, and where the people who kindly post comments tend to reply in similar style.

But recently my blog attracted a long, abusive comment about my work and lifestyle. I consider my blog to be rather like a sitting room in my house, where people are welcome to come and visit, but where rudeness is out of place. So I deleted the comment, feeling that my virtual sitting room shouldn’t be misused as a platform for such ill-mannered ranting.

But although I started this blog in order to talk about the kinky side of my life and had expected it to only be read by people who liked similar things, I’ve been aware for some time that my blog is also visited by vanilla people. Most of these are good friends and colleagues who’re very welcome indeed. But just in case there are other people who visit this blog and similar ones in order to enjoy a bit of prurient moral outrage, I thought a bit of nailing colours to the mast might be in order.

I’ll use the original offensive comment as a framework for the following thoughts. I’ve left it exactly as written, except for erasing names.

So, apologies in advance for the unpleasant nature of some of the comments, and further apologies for my limited wisdom in reply.

‘Hmm, where do I start, Well, first understand where I come from. My childhood, and that of two of my siblings was completely wrecked by the kind of behaviour shown in your Restrained Studios site. I found it by accident when I Googled your other persona, *NAME REMOVED*.’

To what ‘kind of behaviour’ was the writer alluding, I wondered? Having your childhood wrecked is a dreadful shame. But Restrained Elegance is a bondage site, depicting consenting adults roleplaying BDSM scenarios. As it happens, Restrained Elegance doesn’t even depict adults dressed as (or pretending to be) children. I doubt the writer’s childhood was wrecked by any kind of consensual behaviour at all, since abuse tends not to be consensual.

I have to confess I find some of your comments on this blog and your other one a bit strange, you repeatedly say you are reluctant to 'show too much' but you appear happy to sell what is basically porn!’

I was interested by the writer’s apparent attempt to shame me by pointing out that my work could be viewed as porn. Indeed it could. I try to create work with some artistic merit, but I’m not averse to the idea of turning people on, and I wasn’t sure why anyone would think this the case. However, that doesn’t mean I’ve thrown away the right to choose what type of photography I’m involved with. Page 3 (of tabloid papers in the UK, where traditionally, a pretty girl with no top on appears daily) is ‘basically porn’ in that it’s there to titillate. But Page 3 girls are under no obligation to shoot hard pornographic videos just because they’ve appeared topless - and quite right too. I’m a spanking model, and that doesn’t mean I automatically lose the right to choose what parts of my body I show at photo shoots. I’m involved in CONSENSUAL activity; just as an independent shop owner chooses the merchandise they sell, I choose what sort of productions I want to be involved with. I’ve chosen to do work that isn’t sexually explicit and which doesn’t involve anything I consider to be sexual contact. That’s my right as an independent trader.

Furthermore, its important to make a distinction between aesthetic choices and moral ones. I like spanking, so I shoot that. My decisions about which work to take are rarely primarily moral ones. Nor is my decision not to shoot more sexually explicit work. I shoot what I enjoy looking at. It’s an artistic choice, which I’m sure is somewhat governed by my sexual preferences. It’s not because I think my work is morally superior to more explicit work.

'Does it occur to you, or your 'BDM' that the kind of people who enjoy this material, especially the CP part, would probably be the same kind as the one who made our lives a misery for 10 years (actually, it was longer for my younger brother).'

I did feel a certain amount of despair upon reading this comment. Did it occur to the writer that there is no ‘kind of person’ who enjoys CP, or any other type of sexual activity? What ‘kind of person’ is gay? What ‘kind of person’ enjoys the missionary position? Actually the BDM and I are not the same ‘kind of person’ if by this, the writer meant ‘of the same sexual identity’. The BDM’s a dominant sadist, I’m a submissive masochist. He’s not interested in spanking random vanilla women or tying them up. I’m not interested in randomly submitting to people, or trying to entice passers-by into spanking me. Both of us spent years of not engaging in the activities of our choice because we hadn’t met a suitable partner who’d enjoy them too, and we didn’t deal with our frustrations by making anyone’s lives a misery. We dealt with it by looking at porn (depicting consenting adults) and by reading BDSM erotica . Now we’re involved in creating this type of material and I hope it’s used in part by people who are still waiting for their perfect match to come along. I also hope it’s used as inspiration by happy couples who like the same things that we do.

Of course, I couldn’t be sure of the type of abuse the writer was alluding to, but taking a shot in the dark, it sounds as though he was talking about physical abuse, which may have involved being beaten. If that’s the case, then it’s horrible, very sad. But in my 7 years of involvement in the kink community, I’ve yet to meet anyone who thinks that the activities we engage in for fun would be good ways of disciplining a child. Actually, just writing that sentence made me feel a bit ill; its so OBVIOUS that even putting it into words feels a bit inappropriate really.

So the short answer would be ‘yes, of course I’ve noticed that the activities I engage in sometimes would be very wrong indeed if they were visited upon a non consenting individual. As would having any kind of sex, actually. Fortunately, I don’t want to, neither does the BDM. Neither does anyone I know, to the best of my knowledge.’

'None of us had been unaffected, and our ability to have relationships has also suffered as a result. So to find you glibly talking about actually enjoying your bruises is pretty insulting.'

I suppose it would be rather glib if I used my blog to talk about how much I enjoyed being spanked by an abusive father as a child (which I wasn’t). But I’m not; I’m talking about my (adult, consensual) love life. Since the writer chose to read a BDSM blog which is clearly marked as such, I didn’t think he really had a compelling right to be insulted by the things I talk about here.

'The fact that you are a beautiful, intelligent and talented woman makes it worse.'

And why on EARTH would it make it worse that I’m beautiful, intelligent and female? By that logic, would my desire to enjoy CP somehow be less offensive if I was a bit uglier, and maybe not very bright? Again, even writing that feels pretty unpleasant. Being intelligent (which I may or may not be) doesn’t steal my right to write about the things I enjoy, on my own blog; and it certainly doesn’t give me a responsibility to only find certain things sexually appealing. Being beautiful (or not) is, surely, also irrelevant?

'You mention that in the cp world none of the togs is interested in your body parts and all are very helpful, even working for free, that's probably because they all enjoy watching you in pain.'

It took me a while to work out where the writer were going with this, but I think I eventually figured which bit of my blog he was mis-quoting from. I think that he meant ‘tops‘ when he wrote ‘togs‘, although he may have been trying for an abbreviation of ‘photographers’. Again, I got the impression he was trying to shame me with the idea that people might enjoy watching me in pain. However, since I enjoy being watched while I’m in pain, I feel a distinct lack of shame at this idea.

I’m fine with people enjoying watching me in pain! Since it’s CONSENSUAL pain, which I’m enjoying too, it’s all good. That’s kind of the point of my BDSM work, after all. Of course, anyone within the BDSM industry will know that there’s a lot more to a spanking shoot than that. The collegiate spirit, the long-term friendships and emphasis on mutual respect and consensuality, for example. I do hope that most of the people who watch BDSM films will see the evidence of this, and not be alarmed.

'Yeah, bondage is ok, I've seen some great shibarte (sic) pics, but your pc (sic) stuff disturbs because it brings back memories, which is why I am writing.'

This opinion just horrified me, frankly. Bondage is NOT magically ok. It’s only ok if it’s consensual, just as CP is only ok if its consensual. Images of different things have differing effects on people, depending on their tastes and experiences. The writer might find that CP stuff disturbs him, in which case I’d suggest he didn’t look at it. Someone else might find that images of shibari disturb them a great deal more than depictions of spanking. Pictures of spiders upset me so I don’t seek them out. If I’d recently been raped, I might not want to watch a production of ‘Death and the Maiden’. If my parents had died when I was a baby, I might find reading ‘Harry Potter’ too sad to enjoy. If my father had been remote and uncaring, the first half of ‘The Sound of Music’ might have an upsetting resonance for me. Memories can be upsetting. But the blame lies with the person who gave you the memories in the first place, not the people who happen to create art that you don’t like.

'Also, there are no checks on entry bar a warning that the site is not for minors (yep, I can see my son taking note of that one)'

I can’t actually face getting into the online censorship debate. Apologies to anyone who’d like to read one, but if I tried to take that on I’m not sure this blog post would ever end. In fact, Restrained Elegance does have a warning that the site isn’t for minors, and always has.

'Look, if you enjoy being spanked, as you claim (though how anyone can claim to enjoy having their body bruised and scarred is beyond me) then at least your don't have to sell it. It's porn, and you appear to have double standards.'

A thorough understanding of party politics is beyond me. Particle physics is largely beyond me. So is the ability to crochet successfully shaped baby bonnets. And so, I don’t post comments on blogs dedicated to those subjects. This isn’t an important point, do forgive me for being briefly pedantic and irritable about being harangued on my own blog (sitting room, don’t forget).

But I wondered, why on earth I shouldn’t I sell a product that I enjoy consuming? It’s such a logical thing to do. People who like chocolate sometimes open chocolate shops (I went to one today). People who like books sometimes work for publishing houses. People who love computers work in IT. And sometimes, people who love BDSM, produce BDSM work that they find beautiful.

'Also, it makes your 'BDM' nothing more than a pimp. God help if you have children, I'd be terrified to leave a child of mine with him. If he preys on you, who can at least defend herself if things go to (sic) far, what about a child.

I'm glad I typed this, I couldn't write it my hands are shaking.'*NAME REMOVED*

This part of the comment was where I briefly became really angry. Where, I wondered, were my double standards? Was he harking back to my desire to only shoot the work I’m interested in? Actually, even if I DID have double standards regarding my work, I don’t see what business it is of anyone who doesn’t hire me anyway. I won’t force anyone to deal with the nightmare of a model who only wants to do the work she’s CONSENTED to.

And lawks, can I actually face explaining the ways in which the BDM isn’t a pimp? In brief, I don’t give him a percentage of my earnings; furthermore, he doesn’t have the power (or desire)to make any decisions regarding the bookings I accept, or the level of BDSM work I choose to do for the site we run together. Actually, why does HE get to be the pimp, suddenly? We appear on-screen together. Many of the story lines that we shoot are mine. And actually, he does pay me. So maybe I’m the pimp, if I’m suggesting things he could do on-screen, and if I’m taking money from the business? Or maybe the ill-informed commenter just picked a word with negative connotations out of the air.

And to wrap it up, I was incensed that the writer would dare to make such offensive assumptions about us as parents or prospective parents. If a person truly can’t perceive the difference between what a couple enjoy doing as part of their consensual sex-life, and what the same couple do to their non-consenting children, then God help HIS children.

And lastly, the BDM does not ‘prey’ on me. I guess he might say I prey on him, but he manages to handle it with admirable fortitude. And for the record, I’m against the use of corporal punishment in any context other than between adults, for mutual pleasure.

The above notes will of course be nothing new to most of the people who read this, but I do hope that if you’ve found my blog by chance and are shocked by what you see, that this post will maybe help to set your mind at rest.

Ariel x


Ariel/Amelia said...

Sorry, the font's gone weird - hope everyone can still read it ok! A/a x

Leia-Ann Woods said...

Good for you my lovely, and I am so sorry that you have both been having so much trouble. It seems to be an epidemic for us ladies, sadly, which of course makes us sad...

Lucy McLean said...

Oh my gosh darling. What a numpty. Clearly the writer has had something horrific happen to him and his siblings, but that does not make you or any of us responsible for us. As you say it is about consent. Obviously any adult who behaves in the way when in a position of responsibility for a minor in the way that the writer has experienced should be locked up.

I loathe misdirected and ignorant mail like this. We had one the other day that accused Paul of being a slimebag porn producer who takes advantage of young women who desperately need the money...


Well done you for replying so eloquently and in a completely not-at-all ranty way, and combating the points made in a rational manner.

And for the record, I would happily leave my child with you and the BDM, (whom for the record Mr-Crazy_Commenter I have *never* smacked or spanked and *never* will - his life is full of love and affection).

Not least because you're his godparents, but because you are both the most loving, caring and mild-tempered, pleasant people on the planet!

Lark LaTroy said...

Personally, I would have left the readers comment up, so your fans and friends could have torn so-and-so apart. But, that's just me. The key point, and you made it beautifully, is what your commenter will probably never understand.

What happens between consenting adults is their business, and no one else.

TMCH said...

It looks to me the numpty has a guilty conscience if he was abused as a child,
Why bid he not do something to help his siblings when he was out of harms way and his younger brother was still being abused?.

Jay said...

An admirable, well thought out response, and far more composed than I think I could have managed.

Keital said...

In my view a fabulous response that proves you are 'all things bright and beautiful' as I have known since the first day that I had the pleasure of working with you.

Eric G said...

It's a bit depressing , isn't it? To discover people who are so unreasonable? To listen to their proclamations about things they don't understand? Their judgments of you, who they do not know? The world is a shakier place because we have to live with these people and worse, may be forced at some point to accommodate their ignorance. I'm not even entirely sure when a commenter is being honest. Maybe they're simply trying to insult and provoke and using an intentionally twisted rationale.

Your response was patient and reasonable. It should serve as a good explanation for readers who are uneducated but with an open mind. For readers like this commenter, lost and where they don't belong, it must be a hopeless cause. said...

This person is clearly still in a lot of pain to be driven to hit out at you and make such cutting personal remarks.

I feel for them because reading your blog/looking at your site is only going to make them feel worse. Leaving a comment left them so angry their hands are shaking. And reading your response will obviously add to the negativity in their heart.

I agree with you, your responses are justified and someone who doesn't have an open mind with sex (history of abuse or not) can turn away from anything they read before they find it upsetting.

I hope they find peace and move on from their past. Looking at sites like this seems counter productive in my opinion, maybe even self destructive to keep reading and drive yourself through such unpleasant emotions. If you know what your triggers are, why seek them?

I love your site btw. :)
Good post

Beau x

nilla said...

well, bravo and well said! You say you're not equipped to handle a debate on BDSM but you sure handled that debacle with grace, dignity. and aplomb!

I will never understand why people come to our sites and leave hurtful posts behind. They always have the option to click away.

IMPO it is their own guilt at looking, at reading, at being enthralled that then makes them lash out, for they cannot take responsibility for their choice...

so they must blame the site, the author, the temptress.

boo to them, and bravo to you for saying your piece so well!!


nilla said...

sigh...IMPO??? that should say IMHO...never leave a comment while having insomnia, i guess!!


Anonymous said...

Hi, Ariel/Amelia.

I have a slightly different take on this because for most of my adult life I was a self-hating spanko and I have not yet completely overcome it. I was a spanko because I couldn't help myself, not because I thought it was a good idea.

When I read this comment (and, to the poster who suggested she leave it up and let other commenters handle the response, it WAS up for many days and no one, including me, said a thing; I didn't know WHAT to say), my first thought was simply "Buzz kill." It was basically like a recovering alcoholic barging into a cocktail party and trying to make the hostess feel guilty for serving drinks.

But I didn't expect the comment to make you mad; that surprises me. You took this a different way than I expected. It's interesting how offended you are. You obviously see being a spanko or a BDSMer as much more benign than I do.

For what very little it's worth, my reply to the post would have been along the lines of "I can understand how painful it must be to discover that, to some people, reenacting the sort of behavior that has scarred you for life is considered entertainment. However, you need to understand that people are sexually turned on by a wide variety of really weird things, and this is one of them. We reenact, consensually and among adults, behavior that is truly terrible when inflicted nonconsensually on children. But people make war movies and heist films, and those things are not good in real life either. As long as no one's rights are violated in the making of the entertainment, it's not morally wrong. You are free to think we're sick; that's your choice. I'm sorry you're in so much pain, but you can't really blame me or anyone like me; you merely need to avoid this sort of material."

Several of those points are identical or similar to those you made, but you can see the difference in slant; no outrage, no offense.

Now, with that said, the observation "if that's how he feels, what is he doing here?" is valid. Seems like when he stumbled upon something like this he'd simply have looked away. My guess is he has a bit of a crush on you and it turned to crushing disappointment and then appalled fascination. And the disappointment turned into the anger and spite he expressed.

But, for what it's worth, I DO know spankos who think that they can separate their spanko side and spank children for discipline without getting confused. I know spankos who think the kind of discipline depicted in our fiction is BOTH arousing to them AND effective in absolute terms, and that it should be practiced. Maybe it's a US thing; there's more nonconsensual spanking of children here than in Europe.

And I can easily see how, to a survivor of child abuse, our fiction would look like a "how to" manual for abusers. After all, we do have a contradiction (it's always seemed to me) at the core of our kink. We practice adult consensuality -- but we largely depict implied underage nonconsensuality. So to someone hypersensitive to the topic, what we chose to depict feels like a celebration of his abuse.

So, while I thought the comment was inappropriate because it was out of the spirit of the blog, I understood where he was coming from. We DO make a game and an entertainment out of what looks almost exactly like child abuse. We DO enjoy things that to most people are a horror.

Unfortunately, now maybe you're mad at me. Sorry.

Michael (the one from Texas)

Kaelah said...

Amelia/Ariel, that's a very sad story, but in my opinion this post and your replies are extraordinarily well written!

@ Michael:
I would like to add some thoughts in reply to your comment. First of all, I can definitely relate to your feelings for the commenter. It seems to me that this person must have experienced some really horrible things as a child. I can also understand that being confronted with BDSM pictures and stories can be disturbing for someone who has made experiences with real-life abuse.

But what this person did was wrong, nonetheless. One possible reaction, and in my opinion the best one, would have been to turn away and to avoid BDSM sites. I can understand that the sites can be disturbing for someone who has made experiences with abuse, but BDSM is a consensual activity between adults and has nothing to do with abuse. Another (maybe additional) reaction which I would have found okay as well, would have been to talk or write about the effect that the confrontation with BDSM had on the commenter in an appropriate place (and with the appropriate people). I don't think that a blog about consensual BDSM play is the right place for that, but I assume that even though it would not have been the right place, most readers would have reacted sympathetically.

What the commenter did, though, wasn't talking about personal experiences and feelings. Instead this person made a lot of false assumptions about and also horrible false accusations against Amelia/Ariel and her BDM. The most horrible one in my eyes is the one concerning children. What the commenter basically said is that the BDM was a potential child abuser! This is both a horrible accusation and a defamatory statement. And I think nothing, not even horrible childhood experiences, give anyone the right to intrude into someone else's space and hurt them like that.

If someone said something similar about my partner, I would surely feel very offended and hurt. Therefore in my opinion Amelia's/Ariel's reaction was very moderate and sympathetic!

By the way, while I think that there surely is a certain number of kinky people who do spank their children (and I agree with you that the number is presumably higher in the US than in Europe), I am quite sure that this number is still smaller than the average percentage among vanillas. The vast majority of spankos whom I know is very well aware about the difference between consensual adult play and child abuse, and that not despite of but because of their kink.

Tom Rohwer said...

At least you mounted the chess board correctly... ;-)

(Different to a book and newspaper cover showing former German chancellor Helmut Schmidt and Social-Democrats' want-to-be-next-chancellor Peer Steinbr├╝ck:

Regarding Your blogging story: some people project their own problems and deficits onto other people. That's the whole story. No reason to worry about. I think every one of us "bdsm-people" have some strange encounters of this type once in a while.

Me's disturbed rather by the fact that you need such disturbances to write some blog postings. I had been missing some AJR insights since August... *grumble*

Please get some more industrious, young miss.

Anonymous said...

I truly don't understand the author of the comments out rage, I know the tragedy's of a broken home and abusive family, but I can still see the difference between the consensual and non consensual acts.I may have a bias being i enjoy your work but still it makes no sense that this person wouldn't leave it alone.
And his references to being a horrible father are unfounded, I am a BDM and i have never once physically punished my daughter and i find it truly outrageous someone would make that claim that i would ever consider doing that.
It warms my heart to see a stance taken against thos people who would hate simply because they do not understand it. You say you aren't able to make a good argument but i think you responded in an amazing way. Your points well executed and precise. Couldn't have said it all any better.

Thrace said...

The good news is that the great majority of people seem to accept the great dividing line of consent as the thing that differentiates good and bad over this kind of thing. This chap was probably (amazingly enough!) unable to find anyone advocating nonconsnsual child CP that day and made do with you Amelia.

If willing adults come together in any sort of transaction and both leave it feeling better off without hurting anyone else, then the world is better. Simple as that.

Anonymous said...

I feel sad for the commenter who inspired this post. He or she was obviously abused as a child, and is still suffering the effects of it to this day.

I don't know if this person is still reading, but tops actually need several qualities that are essential to effective child-rearing (I have two children myself, so I know these things):
1. Empathy: you won't have too many play partners if you just go around brutalizing people.
2. Patience: Do you have any idea how long these riggings can take to do and learn to do?
3. Imagination: you can't really relate to a child if you can't do (age-appropriate, duh) make-believe.

I'm sure I could think of more, but I think you get the idea. Kinkiness is how we have sex with like-minded adults, not where we get our parenting techniques.

If you're reading this, I hope you seek counseling to help you to get past the abuse that you suffered growing up. Lashing out at the BDSM community isn't going to heal the wounds that you carry with you.

No child should have to go through what you did, and I wish you the very best.

Steve said...

You are a lovely charming person doing something that you like and enjoy, and giving pleasure to many like-minded folk and causing no offence to anyone of a reasonable disposition (I, myself am not in the slightest interested in bondage, restraint etc. but quite like the spanking side of your work). I am a little surprised that you took the time to post a reasoned response to someone who, for whatever sad reason in their past, has such a jaundiced view of your extremely innocent work (there are many things on the net far more deserving of this type of attention). Sadly, it is inevitable that you will get this type of thing from time to time on an open forum but it probably warrants no more attention than the delete button.

Eric G. said...

Sorry, but I find it hard to have much sympathy or patience for the commenter. Many of us have suffered rough childhoods. It's not a valid excuse. The commenter's past abuse is alleged; his verbal abuse leveled here is something I feel justified in condemning.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Amelia Jane i like your vids ,love and spanks ,tim xx

luke said...

Hi, Ariel (Anderssen/Amelia Jane Rutherford)!!

I'm a french man who likes the few pictures I saw from your work (I havn't bought videos yet), and who have pleasure reading your posts. I find your bondage pictures very sculptural, evocative and sensual. Besides, reading your comments makes me work my english and interests me. You see, I like your point of view on your job and other things. When I read that some troubled soul had tried to get yours in trouble too... I thought It was the time to say Hi. Among other stuff.

I'm sorry for all abused people, but what I read from this man seemed to be "part of the problem". Abusive personns and puritain ones are sharing some general ideas. For instance, they denie to women the possibility of choosing their kind of life. Either they are victim, or they are safe and respected, but as long as they fallow a certain path, set up by society. In both cases, women aren't allowed to CHOOSE. In order to be respectable, they should act this way our that way. Politically correct fellows mostly want a woman to be (from their point of view) res-pect-a-ble. Respected ? Hmm. That notion of respect beegins by the fact that they choose their kind of behavior, sex-life, artistic-life, and the way they'll deal with It.
This guy was telling you what to do, without even knwoing you. He even dinied the possibility/reality that you worked hand in hand with your BDM. In his world, men always rule. For me, "machoness" has two angles. Either they make a woman victim, or they consider her as one... If she's not confined into baby bonnets confection !

And you were right about bondage. This man wasn't chocked by It, so It was OK. What about another man or woman, who sadly happend to be abused that way in His/her childhood ? His criteria was quite selfish, then.
A lot of "behaviors" are OK, as long as the woman (as well as her partner(s)) IS OK with It !
I'm glad that the erotic industry (erotic, not porn! There's a distinction. Not that I see anything wrong in legal/adult/consensual porn) shows more and more women doing things that they like, beeing in charge... Not only having a body, but a point of view. In the realisation of they work (artistic, in your case), and in general.

Women are not "bound" to be damsels in distress ! And I like that too.
What you do is lovely (at least, what I've already seen).
Keep It up, and don't loose that smile of yours.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for a very sensible and reasonable response. I don't want to sound patronising, but I thought you made a superb case whilst also being sensitive to this person's obvious pain and confusion. You would make an excellent diplomat!

Anonymous said...

Greetings from Texas,
I havn't posted for a while, but I want to make sure everyone knows that the post starting "Greetings from Texas" are not related to "Michael (the one from Texas)". I'm the guy from Texas that can't spell.

I hadn't intended to comment because others had said what I wanted to as well or better. But since I'm here...

I am a great fan of your bondage photos. The fact that you actually enjoy being restrained makes them, and you, special.

I'm not so much a fan of the spanking, but that's me. I don't throw rocks at those who are. Personally I've had enough pain and humaition in my life I don't enjoy seeing it in others. If I don't like something I don't look at it. Why is that so hard to figure out?

Anonymous said...

Thanks to anonymous from Texas for stating, as others have here, that if a person doesn't like something they can simply not look at it.

One comment I'd like to add, out of general interest really as a spanking fan, is that when I see the sort of film that Amelia does, I don't think I'm looking at someone in (serious) pain or, in fact, being humiliated, I think I'm looking at someone acting these things out. Amelia's written about this herself when she commented on being comfortable nude and so on. She doesn't experience the emotion she's doing for the camera in a damaging, painful way, even if she enjoys the fantasy (I hope I go that right, Amelia).

In a sense, far from being "edgy", I find these films to be a kind of fun indulgence, and a very safe one at that. I think there's some resonance of that idea in the huge amount of spanking references you see in mainstream cinema, when the subject often thrown in to the script in a joking, teasing or otherwise frivolous way. When Tandy Newton says to Tom Cruise in MI2, "what are you going to do, spank me?" the line does not evoke pain and humiliation, does it? To my mind it evokes (in the broadest sense) sex.

Texas has a fully legitimate reaction to spanking films. I just find it interesting that it's in the eye of the beholder what they represent - and hence why the only important thing validating this stuff is the presence of consent. hmmmm

Anonymous said...

Haven't posted before - nothing useful to say - but was moved by the lengths you went to to reply to this bloke's rant. I find this kink (more spanking/CP than bondage) a very lonely place. I'd hate to think my childhood experiences of bare bottomed spankings and one slippering got me into this, because I'm sure my upbringing was nothing unusual for my generation, and I'd never call my now extremely aged father an abuser. I'd prefer to think I got into this simply because the female behind has fascinated me for decades.
Anyway, sites and blogs like yours, where there is an obvious emphasis on consensuality to go with the extreme fantasies, are an encouragement to me to believe that the fulfilment of the person I have become is achievable. Certainly, without the knowledge that you are an enthusiastic participant in some of your harder scenes, they would be impossible for me to watch.
I am sorry for your tortured blogger, because I feel to some extent tortured myself, but to cast some of the vile accusations he does at you and your partner is simply inexcusable. To equate assumed moral corruption and potential criminality with participation in a shared consensual lifestyle would be absurd were it not so dangerously ignorant and intolerant.
Keep going - and please wish me luck!

Dallas said...

Hey you amazing, gorgeous, funny, smart,tall drink of with a bottom that would make any demigod sing it's praises to ,only end up in tears and feeling an intense non worthiness to be the presence of those golden globes of beauty. That is what I remember thinking when I saw you for the first time. I noticed that gleam, that slight hint of naughtiness in a way that makes anyone with her relax, as you feel you have known her forever. When she speaks to you she looks you in the eyes. women like this need to be shared with others she touches, others that get her AS she is. This special presence that needs to be shared, ,as much as possible.
To me the most desirable spanking model of her time. We look forward to working with her patiently looking at out shoot as a great big gift.... That I will spank....knowing she wouldn't have it any other way.

Anonymous said...

All I really have to say is JEEZZUS CHRIST! what an asshat.

It's horrible if he's been the victim of abuse in his childhood, but in that case he should get some f'ing therapi to help get over it. Christ for a vaccuum brained jackass.

I can't even for the death of me understand what the h*** such a person is doing on a blog like that in the first place, if they are not into the scene, or the stuff the blog is about.

My appologies if my language here offends anyone, but I just can not tolerate that kind of knobhead. No matter what he's had happen to him during childhood >:-(

Tim Cronin said...

Isn't it curious that those that lambaste adult entertainment seem to know exactly where to find it in order to lambaste?

wordsmith said...

I'm with Dallas on this one. I've got no interest in bondage at all, but you have to be my dream spankee! In my experience there is little point in writing a "defence" as you did, though it was intelligent and eloquent. People who are emotionally enraged are rarely interested in explanations. It is better to to just make a few gentle but clear assertions and genuinely wish the commenter well. For all his upset he was clearly impressed by you, and this would probably be all you could do that might make him re-assess his reaction x

Tyd Up said...

It looks like you have been getting comments from what a friend refers to as the perpetually outraged. Some of them see consensual adult activity and see echos of child abuse. Others are offended by any adult content. These must like being offended since they get an "adult content" warning before seeing your blog.

One contributing factor is how alien it looks to people who are not into the lifestyle. Pictures and video give a limited impression. I used to shy away from content that included pain. Then I went to my first play party. After seeing flogging live between lovers, I got it.

One other point - I know that some models will do just about anything. Personally I prefer the ones who have personal limits. I have hired a few of these models and found them to be wonderful, intelligent people who are part of the adult entertainment industry because they love what they are doing.

Abel1234 said...

A post so good that it's the winner of the "best blog post" in the sixth annual Spanking Writers awards...

Anonymous said...

I am a bit late leaving my comments with regard to this, but when I read it, I was really annoyed,so had to say something. This is obviously a very sad person,wanting someone to blame, your response was excellent, although, if it were me, I would just delete it before reading the rest of the rubbish.
I have had the great privilege of meeting Amelia, a really lovely lady,she made time to talk to me,for some time about our mutual love for the spanking scene, I could have talked to her all day. I will remember that short time I spent with her with much fondness, and hope perhaps I might meet her again sometime.
Amelia,Leia,Lucy,Pandora, and all the other lovely ladies, remember this..there is always going to be a sad low life come out of the woodwork from time to time,not much we can do about it,but the rest of us love you, and enjoy the things you do, makes life exciting.
Love you girls.

Anonymous said...

I've come to this story late in the day not being a regular reader of this blog. However, I do wonder how many ladies who like being spanked (on their own terms I guess) would still have had this kink (or aquired it) had they been spanked, smacked, beaten call it what you will when they were a child or young adult. I guess not many ? Its a bit different taking a few smacks across a well padded adult bum and collecting £££, than being given a bloody good hiding and being sent to bed with a badly swollen bottom and trying to sleep on your tummy.

Ariel/Amelia said...

Kim, I think that the point I was making with this blog post is exactly that - it different, being spanked if you choose to experience it, as a consenting adult. Actually, it's so different that plenty of ladies (and men) in my acquaintance are into spanking despite the fact that they were spanked as a child. Because - its different. Alas, ill-informed commentators then sometimes accuse them of being emotionally damaged by their childhoods, and having a spanking fetish as a result. So sometimes it feels as though we can't win - we're insensitive by enacting things that would be grotesquely abusive if they were visited on non-consenting minors but that we didn't experience as children. We're pitiful, damaged creatures if we were spanked as children but enjoy it as adults.

And I have to say, your comment about 'collecting £££'s' is kind of offensive. My CP work has come about as a result of my personal interest; most of the spankings I take are off screen, with my partner, who doesn't pay me. I think you'd find that's the case for pretty much all spanking models. And I challenge you to find a single movie of mine that's only involved 'a few smacks'.

Thanks everyone for your varied comments on this subject, I really appreciate them.

Very best wishes, A/a

Anonymous said...

I feel deeply for people who have had abusive childhoods, whether the abuse was physical or sexual or both. But how we emerge from this differs markedly form person to person. Some children are very resilient; as one adult survivor told the authors of the IPCAN Project book CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE (Columbia U. Press, 1989 as I recall, and an excellent longitudinal study), "I knew it was wrong, so I didn't let it get to me."

Others identify themselves as victims for life, which seems to me the equivalent of letting the oppressor define the situation rather than seizing and owning it oneself. The danger is when one presumes that one's own victimization as a child gives one a voice of absolute authority to tell others what to do in adult consensual relationships. This seems to me to erase diversity in an alarming way.

I think we in the scene know very well the difference between spanking a child (a nonconsensual display of parental authority that is painful, humiliating, and best used extremely rarely when all other methods fail and a bit of shock and awe really is called for) and spanking an adult playfellow, where the physical sensations may indeed be as real as in childhood but the frame around the scene is "as if." This critic seems not to know the difference between "as if" and "for real" when it comes to play or this sort, and that pretty well vitiates any meaningful discussion. I can only hope that the writer's growth will nevertheless continue beyond this point: Being stuck is a terrible place to have to live the rest of one's life.