Sunday, 27 April 2008

Cinderella Syndrome

Hmmm, this is something I've thought about for a long time. And hoorah, I've got a blog so I can go on and on and on about it.

Since I've been a teenager, I've noticed a tendency in myself to enjoy life's dramas, especially if I'm the victim of bad circumstances or (even better) bad people. It's not that I enjoy having horrible things happen to me, it's just that I kind of (oh, lordy) enjoy the feeling of being rescued from the situation. Mmmm, especially by big strong men. And you need bad stuff to happen before you can BE rescued.

Now, this is all very dysfunctional, and I realised it wasn't very attractive, so I've really tried to stop WALLOWING when things go wrong. I thought it was just me; but when I started meeting other people in the BDSM scene, I realised there's quite a tendency in submissive girls (and maybe boys too) to relish being a victim. I noticed it so often that I started calling it (to myself) Cinderella Syndrome.

I think it's basically this; believing that, like Cinderella, your everyday misfortunes somehow make you more desirable to everyone else. And that everyone will want to know all about everything that goes wrong in your life, because it's actually terribly attractive to be a martyr. And that you don't need to take responsibility for making things better, you just need to wait to be rescued (like Cinderella by the prince). Now, it's very fun to be a victim in a scene, but when it spills over into real life, I'm worried that it might be a bit tedious.

Alas, just when I was feeling all EVOLVED, and as though I'm now immune to self-pity, the BDM (huh) pointed out that so far my blog has included;-

A post on how awful my flu is.
Another post about my flu.
A post about how much I hated being in charge of a shoot.
And.... a post about losing my diary.

And then he suggested that perhaps I might be suffering from a little bit of Cinderella Syndrome. Which seems a bit unfair, because he only even knows it EXISTS because I made up a word for it :) So I'm going to spend the week writing upbeat, happy posts about things I've enjoyed doing recently. Of which there are many, but I didn't want to show off.

And from now on, if I post gratuitously about how awful everything is, everyone is allowed to ignore me and/or call me Cinderella.

Amelia-Jane xx


Hywel Phillips said...

... and you forgot the post about falling down the stairs, Cinderella!


Ariel said...

Brrrrrr. You are very rude.

Hywel Phillips said...

Couldn't resist the last comment :-)

I have also noticed this tendency amongst bondage/sub models to widely broadcast the awful details of how terrible their life/boyfriend/journey/last shoot/etc is. Often in somewhat overblown terms.

The thing which has always irritated me is that they never seem to actually DO anything about it. So your boyfriend is a shit-bag? Dump him, already. Your car keeps breaking down? Get it serviced. You worked with a horrible drooling pervy photographer who tied you too tight and spanked you too hard... let me see, have you actually TOLD him so, or even decided that you won't work with him again? Hmmm, apparently not, you've just booked another shoot with him. Why would that be?

I think you do a pretty good job of keeping the lid on the Cinderella syndrome, Ariel. I wish I could say the same for all models ;-)

Indiana said...

Um, could it be that having the flu for weeks and losing your diary really are awful things to endure? And the one about the stairs was hilarious-- probably even to you in retrospect.

I'm sure your happy tales will be just as interesting, but your blog is great the way it is!

Niki Flynn said...

I don't think it's fair to count the falling-down-the-stairs post as Cinderella-esque. I thought it was an excellent example of Ariel/Amelia not taking herself too seriously. And more power to her!

God knows we've all suffered the crushing humiliation of such disasters and yeah, an "oh, poor me" post might have made it less readable. But as it was, I thought it humanized the subject, made her more real and approachable. Honestly, I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me.

Riiiiight. Clearly my brain is fried. Must be because today's outdoor shoot was cancelled (rain) and it's turned my entire world upside-down and made me self-destructive. Oh, poor me, pity me, rescue me...

What's wrong with relishing the role of martyr anyway? Don't we all want to be Joan of Arc?

sven said...

I agree with both Ariel's posts and Hywel's comments.

Nothing wrong with mentioning bad stuff in life - as long as you do something about it, to prevent it happening again. (And this is from someone who was a grade A cinderella - so yes it affects male subs too!)

I do have a suggestion - instead of ignoring Ariel when she moans about something - the BDM should just gag her to keep her quiet then give her a spanking! :D

Ariel said...

Hi Sven! Nice to know that boys can be Cinderella too :)

And I think it's a very good idea to embrace the martyrdom when it's fun for those involved, but just not to become a great big full-time misery. Hmmm, still haven't written a happy post though... Shall psyche myself up to it. Soon.

Joan of Arc :)